Help!!!! He wants me to be with a woman

[Missy1965]

Ok.... how do I handle this one? My guy and me have been together for over two years and we have the most amazing, totally outrageous sex life. I am so satisfied with him and I know he is too. However, he has this little fantasy that he really wants to see a girl go down on me. I am 100 percent heterosexual and have no desire to do this at all. I am afraid that even if I did attempt this that it would change our relationship drastically. He isn't pressuing me at all about it but lately the subject seems to keep popping up. No friggin way could I ever sit there and watch him touch another woman I would freak out bad. He says that isn't what he wants that he only wants to watch me with a woman mainly her going down on me. He says that I will love it so much and this will be a huge, huge turn on for him. Is this something a lot of men fantasize about? Like I said, we have an amazing over the top sex life. We have been talking about different things that we can do together, for each other etc. to spice things up even more then they already are and this is the one thing he really wants. When he talks about it I can see how much he would love for me to do this for him but I am just not into it. I look at it just the opposite then he does I think he will end up disliking me if I did do it. It's not that I am totally against the idea, it's that I really love him and I know this would change us forever and probably not for the better is what I am afraid of. I told him that he would look and think of me differently afterwards and that he would end up not respecting or caring about me much anymore but he says no way he wouldn't stop caring and he would never think bad or differently of me. Also, we have made little videos of ourselves and the subject has come up that he wants another person to do "just the filming" no involvement only be the camera person. How do we go about doing that too? If anyone has any thoughts on this subject enlighten me please.:confused: Am I right in thinking that if he really cared about me he wouldn't even ask me to consider doing this?

If you guys seen our pics we have been posting you can see how good we are together:D

[Steph]

The simple fact of the matter is you sound like you're not interested. He should respect that - it sounds like he has an open woman sexually. Sure, you have your limits but if you think things might change, I can understand your reluctance. I don't think there are any easy answers here. You should only do what you're comfortable with. Good luck with whatever you choose to do, Missy!

[Jilly Jill]

OK, after seeing how long and drawn out my other posts have been I'll try to keep this shorter..but no promises.

First of all, Missy, if this is something that you're not into then absolutely don't do it.

Part of the enjoyment of sex is the fact that everyone gets pleasure from it not juts one person. Besides, even if you do decide to do it to make your boyfriend happy, (which will make you resent him down the line), the other girl will be able to pick up that you're not really into what she's doing so it would be nothing more than a disappointment for her as well.

My advice to you, whether its good bad or indifferent, would be to clearly tell him that girl/girl sex is something you are no more into than he is having guy/guy sex and that you have no desire to try. Also, let him know that his constant topic broaching is annoying (if it is) and ask him to kindly refrain from it.

One way that you could possibly skip the actual girl/girl sex part, while assisting in his fantasy, is to do what I have done in the past, ( not so much from my not wanting to have sex with another woman but just not having one available). If you're comfortable with the idea, while the two of you are playing, you can describe what you would be doing if another girl were there. I did this with an old boyfriend of mine who was absolutely insane over the idea of watching me with another woman and it kept him happy for months.

But most of all...dont do anything you arent comfortable doing.

[Missy1965]

Hey Jilly. I never even thought of that but it's a very good idea. Maybe I will surprise him and do a little describing for him. Thanks!!!!! He doesn't constantly bring it up to the point of me getting fed up over it but it seems that is the one thing he just really craves.

PS: We call my daughter Jilly Jill. Her name is Jillian

[Jilly Jill]

Oh good..glad I could be of some help. Have fun with your "stories" and hopefully they'll keep the both of you out of trouble. :P

[scotzoidman]

Yes, I'm afraid this is a fairly common male fantasy...maybe he's just feeling you out to see how you'd react to it. But if you're not comfortable with his fantasy, your "no" should be enough for him...if he keeps up the pressure, you might try turning the tables...ask him how he'd feel if you wanted to see him with another guy...there's an outside chance that might backfire, but most guys would back up in a hurry at the merest suggestion ;)

[Vigil]

I'm going to apologise for these selfish boyfriends - it shows a lack of respect. I like the point from JJ, tell him you really fantasize about watching him being banged up the ass and you know he'll love it.

Also can you go to watch a sex show in your country to satisfy this one? Then enjoy his arousal afterwards.

Some guys - god give us patience.

[Missy1965]

Scotzoid. Thanks for your point of view I totally agree with you. Oh, I did turn the tables and what I told him was the day he sucks some guy off first then I will consider and maybe do it. lol Ofcourse he ws grossed out at the thought and we both laughed it off. Then he says that isn't the same thing he feels both things are totally different. He is the big strong macho type so me joking with him and telling him if he did that first then I would think about it really grossed him out big time. According to him both things are very different and not at all the same. To him one is ok and the other is just ridiculos for me to say. Again, he isn't pushy about it with me at all and he does respect me. I have been with him for a couple years and I have known him for almost twenty years so there is no disrespect here at all. I guess it's just a guy fantasy thing right? I take too much to heart and make it personal by thinking too much about it he says. I guess it's what it is a "Fantasy".

[denny]

Not sure about asking him to take it up the ass, he might very well enjoy it and besides, making him uncomfortable isn't a positive thing at all. Be honest and straight and tell him that you are not comfortable with the idea. If he does not respect that, then you have a real problem. I think he will. good luck!

[scotzoidman]

Class, if you'll look at this display on the right, you'll see the "Double Standard", once thought to have died out with the Neanderthals, but recently seen rearing its ugly head among modern "civilized" man...

[Jilly Jill]

Looks at the picture...."er...camels died out with the Neanderthals?..damn..coulda swore I saw one at the zoo just a couple months ago"....j/k

[Missy1965]

I'm appreciative for all the nice responses. I just wanted to find out if this is a common fantasy for a lot of men. I wouldn't want to overreact in an inappropriate way to where I would be disrespecting him either. He would absolutely never force anything on me no matter what it is. He says if I did do it he wouldn't think twice about it and it is just something he thinks of something different and exciting for him. Mainly because it would make him excited to see me in that situation watching someone please me. If you think about it...another women is no treat to him. Another man would be a totally different story. It's ok to have fantasies no matter what they are, we all have them not everything suits all people. I guess that would be the ultimate fantasy. I only wish he wanted something else that I could give him because I really like to please him. Pleasing him is a huge turn on for me ( within reason) lol.

[Vigil]

Yes - we can just be a bit dim from time to time. We make presumptions without thinking it through.

It might be that he just wants to see what you look like while you're enjoying sexual pleasure. I don't want to kow if you've already done this, but you could give him a serious solo show - and then enjoy the effects you have had on him.

[Santiago]

while the two of you are playing, you can describe what you would be doing if another girl were there

doing this would probably only make him want to see it more. I think the best idea would be to go see a sex show like Vigil said.

[celticangel]

if it makes u uncomfortable--don't do it!
never do anything that goes against your wishes/judgement just to "please" anyone!
Don't learn the hard way!xx

[Tess]

Dress him up like a woman, fuck his brains out, and then see if he wants the same fantasy. You might be pleased with the outcome.

[Missy1965]

Hard rock...Good idea. That is so funny.

[lizH]

Missy,

It is 100% the same thing to consider him having oral sex with a guy and you having oral sex with a girl. It's putting your mouth on the genitals of a person of the same sex. If you (or he) are straight, you're probably repulsed by the idea. There is no reason that you should be less repulsed than he is just because you are a woman! If you don't want to, DON'T DO IT!

I get this sort of the other way. I'm bisexual, and I don't hide that fact. When I'm with a man who finds out I'm bisexual, he wants to run out and get another bisexual woman and watch us! If I'm with a woman, and we're not the type who are "man hating dykes", my female partner and I are asked for a threesome or a "show" on a regular basis. Lesbianism does not exist for the purpose of exciting straight men!

However, I must admit that I enjoy reading stories of gay or bi men, and even enjoy watching 2 bi men in the same threesome I'm in.

[Angel_25]

i agree with those that say if not comfortable dont do it!! obviously if the scenario isnt felt the same reveresed well why the fuck should you have to go down on a woman?? bit dumb hun- obviously if you have to do this to keep him is it really not worth it in the long run is it? im sure there 're plenty out there who will find a hetrosexual girl damn attractive!!!, if all else fails well there is always roleplaying- just give him the words to make out your doing a lady lol

[Missy1965]

I agree with you Liz it's exactly the same thing. The bottom line is if I wanted to be with a women it would be between me and her only. Not a game to be played with a man involved. I believe when two people ingage in any sexual relationship that is a private matter and it should be done for all the right reasons. Number one being that there are feelings involved and it shouldn't be taken lightly regardless if it's man and women, women and women etc... He isn't giving me ultimatums at all and he would never leave me because I chose not to be part of this. It's s strong fantasy that he has that's it. If I chose to be with a women it would be a private matter between only us.

[Oldfart]

Missy, as you keep saying, it's his fantasy, not yours.

The idea that if he keeps mentioning it, acceptance will slowly follow

and he'll fulfill his fantasy is degrading to you and unworthy of him.

Be strong.

[Nuelaan]

Personaly I used to have the same fantasy, but I thinnk it stemmed from my insecurity in bed. Mostly I tried to learn to much from porn, where every lesbian scene seems to be something both women enjoyed. For me the thought of me watching a lesbian experience was more about learning something new. I grew out of it though thanks to a partner who helped me out by "instructing" me in what worked for her. I agree with all the others, if it is not something you want, definetly don't do it.