The Age Gap Question

[SexualSpree]

I was wondering does the age gap really matter even at a younger age? I haven't been to successful in my relationships with the ladies so far. But I've fell in love with this one young lady who has all i've every dreamed of. I turn 19 soon, and she'll be 15 in November. Freshman in college vs freshman in high school. It looks somewhat akward right now, but to me it feels right. Everybody jokes around about "hand-cuffs" like I'm going to prison. I dunno, I don't plan on having sex anytime soon. I am just looking for a normal relationship. Am I wrong for being in love with her age?

[rastapope]

Nothing wrong with being in love...thats not something you have much control over. On the other hand it would be wrong to act on it (at least in my opinion). In all fairness to both of you its probably best to wait until shes at least legal =)

[Ananke]

Ive dated men quite a bit older than me before but at 15 I'm gonna have to say stay away. People that young have no idea what love is or can be and it can cause real issues. Just my 2 cents worth.

[SexualSpree]

Ya, I understand what ya'll are saying. I definately wouldn't consider doing anything sexual with her until she was of legal age. Everything seems right when we are together. I just want to date and have a nice relationship with her without people thinking that I'm robbing the cradle.

[Cheyanne]

14 year olds are just plain fickle... she may be right for you now, but she has a lot of growing up to do yet....and she will change her behaviors/attitudes/feelings/expectations over time......just be prepaird for it in the future. And yes, I think that you should stay away from her.. she is too young.

As a parent of a 15 year old, you would not be allowed to date my daughter.. it is too much of an age difference at the moment.

Throw my two cents into the pot and I'll raise ya Anake... :D

[Cobalt]

As the father of the 15 year old, You wouldn't be allowed to date her and the relationship would be over.
Just so you know, that in Iowa, even if the girl says yes, it is the parents who can press charges of statitory rape, not the minor.
So I would say stay away from her.

[Grumble]

I too am the father of a 14 year old daughter (15 in a few weeks)and I would not be letting you get anywhere near her at your age. You are an adult and she is a minor, end of story. No matter how pure your intentions it is fraught with danger for all concerned.

The welfare of my child is my responsibilty and I would not be exercising that responsibility properly if I allowed it. Too much can go wrong and this way no harm can be caused.

Another very pertinent point is how fickle girls of that age can be.
You could easily have your heart broken and she would be happily dating another guy.

Take the best path for all concerned and find another girl who is not "jailbait". Test the water again when she is 18 if you need to.

I hope you are able to make the right decision, its hard but a part of living. Best of luck

Grumble

[fzzy]

Welcome aboard SSpree ... as you can tell from the responses ... 5 years age difference at a younger age does make a big difference ... in fact, it makes a HUGE difference ... you are an adult, old enough to vote and serve your country, old enough to make most decisions (legally) that have to do with your future .... at 14 (and 3 months from her 15th birthday, she is still just 14!!!) she has a lot of things still to happen in her life yet before she can legally make any of those decisions.

I presume that if her parents know about this relationship, they are not very comfortable about it!! She may be everything you are looking for and exceptional for her age, but there are still some things that are learned only through the passage of time and she has not lived long enough for that to happen ....

Some cultures find this age difference acceptable, but in most countries that are "modern" it is considered illegal for much of anything to happen between the two of you ... in my opinion, that's exactly how it should be .... you can be her friend, but with the way you feel, I'd do so from a very great distance ....

You have now determined what it is you are looking for ... but from my experience, that is VERY likely to change a great deal over the next 5-10 years as well ... give yourself time to keep looking ... at almost 19, you are not really at a stage in life yet to need to be finding a perfect match ... just a fun one! Best of luck to you!!! :)

[skipthisone]

I would agree with all of the above, if my daughter was 15 you wouldnt be near her. But the age gap question does go away...once you are both of age. So I am afraid the only advice I can give is move on.

[Nubian]

I tried to stay away from responding to this thread b/c I was initially alarmed when I first read it (explained shortly) and I wanted to see what others thought. (And admittedly, I tend to read too much into things).

Others have waxed more eloquently that I ever could on the matter of the difference in age. What set off my alarm bells was the following:

Originally posted by SexualSpree
...***I haven't been to successful in my relationships with the ladies so far. ***...

Now, SS, are you sure that your attraction to this person is not b/c of the difficulty you're having with members of the fairer sex who are your peers? Given this difficulty, does this "relationship" appear more attractive precisely because this person is underage, immature, and perhaps easily influenced? As, Fzzy stated earlier, the difference in age at this stage of both your lives is larger than mere chronology would indicate.

You also stated:

Originally posted by SexualSpree
...***Ya, I understand what ya'll are saying. I definately wouldn't consider doing anything sexual with her until she was of legal age. ***...

I should hope not! And I find it hard to believe that someone who admittedly have difficulties with ladies in a more appropriate age group, would be willing to wait several years before "doing anything sexual"--whatever the hell that means. Are we to believe that until she "ripens" the relationship will consist merely of, what? Innocent little pecks on the cheek, hand holding, stolen glances across a park bench. Oi-Vey!

Your own postings indicate a troubled conscience, so I'm sure you know that this relationship is not right for you. (And, more important, not right for **her**).

You're an adult, man. Act like it.

Selah.

[axe31]

the age gap is not a problem but the problem is maturity
at her age she will not be emotionaly stable for a serious
relationship sex or no sex. at that age you tend to blunder
about being a adult one min to regresing to childhood the
next some thing some of us guys never grow out of

[osuche]

Why don't you try being friends and continue to date others? If it's meant to be...it will be...in a few years.

[Incubus255]

Well since I feel I have a bit to say in this area I'll drop in my two cents

Much as I would never tell anyone to shrug off the quest for love I think i'ts best that you do for the moment , I know your intentinos aren't sexual like that I think some of the people are givin ya a bit to hard of a time over that

If it was just a matter of 5 years it would be nothing but it's the fact that she's 15, and I tell tell ya she has no idea what she wants with her life at this point, no matter how much she thinks she does, You will end up hurt from this match it's just as simple as that, Enjoy her company all you want but I suggest you keep at least some distance between the two of you, thats why I generally avoid younger girls, heck even ladies my own age tend to end up the same way

They end up looking up to you and it's a nice thing to be a hero to someone but it's just not worth it in the end because they are still growing and they will outgrow you and move on, simply becuase there tastes and the such aren't fully developed and they have no idea what they are going to want in the future,

Better luck next time chap, I know it's certainly nothing easy to go though when your dealing with something like that, I've got nothing against doing something regardless of the fact that the public will hate you for it but This is just a recipe for disaster, as much for you as for her

[kleclere]

My daughter isn't that old yet but she is under my roof and if she had a relationship of the level it would end quickly. My niece was willing to leave all parentele rights waved to be with a n 18 yrs boy. She has dumped him and moved on twice since then in a year. Her mind will change. I was once many moons ago a 19 yr old male. And you may think that with your hormones raging that sex is out of the question but I guarntee that when it gets going 14 in Iowa well get you 20 yrs. It is 5 yrs over her age and you would go to jail. Parent's rule.

[denny]

I feel very strongly that a person at the age of majority has NO business with a minor. Pretty simple concept, eh?

[Cheyanne]

Also, according to the Iowa law....
A parent can press charges against the man or woman (over the age of 18 - and lets be fair, there are women who do this as well) who associates themselves with a minor (under 18). In other words, if you just kissed this girl in Iowa and the parents didn't agree with the relationship, you could face charges of sexual assault and child molestation, even if the girl was agreeable to it.

So, what I am trying to say is this. Not only could you possibly get your feelings hurt by a fickle 14 year old (almost 15 - which tells me you all are too young if you are looking forward to the following year.. like I am 14 and 1/2) but you could also face criminal charges against you in certain states. So, I would hazard to wonder... is it worth it???

Originally posted by kleclere
My daughter isn't that old yet but she is under my roof and if she had a relationship of the level it would end quickly. My niece was willing to leave all parentele rights waved to be with a n 18 yrs boy. She has dumped him and moved on twice since then in a year. Her mind will change. I was once many moons ago a 19 yr old male. And you may think that with your hormones raging that sex is out of the question but I guarntee that when it gets going 14 in Iowa well get you 20 yrs. It is 5 yrs over her age and you would go to jail. Parent's rule.

[Grumble]

I hope that Sexual Spree would add more to this topic.

The advice is not what he wanted to hear I expect, but he has been given the best advice.

No one here looks down upon you mate, we just want you to not make a mistake that could cost you dearly.

Pixies is not a place where sexual lawlessness is condoned but is a place where you can be sexual without condemnation. The people i know here are all very decent people who are good citizens.

[LixyChick]

Welcum to Pixies SexualSpree! NOw sit back and read all of this......since you asked! *hugs*

I agree with you GG.......I don't think this is what he WANTED to hear! Otherwise he'd have been back by now to thank us for "giving him permission" to feel good about what he seems to think is wrong (that is, if we had all collectively said.......Do it hun......Do what you want!).

Frankly, I've never entered a debate or discussion without at least trying to see the other side of things (call me your typical devil's advocate).....so here's my 2 cents!

I was 14 when I lost my virginity! Pretty scary thought, huh? I know....SexualSpree says he has NO intentions of taking his S/O's virginity......but if he were truthful......he'd have said he wants her and he wants her bad!

Well, in my personal situation, I was an extremely mature 14y/o....(I can hear all you parents out there mumbling.....yeah, yeah....they all think that!) because of certain situations in my life that made me "grow up" and face the world far sooner than most teens should (caring for a family that a father had given up on and a mother who had mental breakdowns). I was so much wiser in the ways of "life" than most of my friends........and yet I seemed to cling to the feeling of wanting to "get away from it all".

OK....I'll admit it.....I didn't know jack shit about sex when I was 14......but I wanted to experience every part of life.......and I was damn head strong to give it a go! In my personal situation, I didn't know from one day to the next if I'd be alive to see the next day (long, long story...I might share someday)! I'm a very practical person at heart and so I took the leap at this very early age (figuring I ain't dying a virgin).........and to be honest I don't regret it but I don't recommend it either!

In retrospect, I could have waited........but hindsight seems to be my forte......not insight! If everyone of you would be honest here.......at the raw age of 14, your sexual awareness was climbing out of your shorts!

Here's the bottom line SexualSpree........

In the moral sense..........it's wrong. In the grand scheme of things........it isn't one of the worst things that has ever happened on this planet! If you feel bad about it.......keep a nice friend and find someone your own age (or at least of legal age). If you can sleep at night without worry and you aren't hurting anyone (ie:her, her parents....etc) and you truly can hold out for her till she is ready........than go for it! Life is short and who the fuck are we to judge!

[celticangel]

I agree with all above. My daughter is almost 15 and if she chooses to have male friends of her own age group fine~~~~but since she is still a child there is no way that I would let her be "involved" with an "adult"~~~~~~~at this age the gap is wider than the expance of space!
If you love some~one let them go~~~~~~~~~if it's ment to be ~~~~~they'll be waiting!

Goodluck in your search for love!

[Esperanza]

SexualSpree~I didn't read what every1 else wrote, but, I"m 19 (almost, March 1) and i remember being like 15 and my bf was 20!
I didn;'t tell my parents, but i didn't let my man get that far with me, i would of... but he was to old...
U should wait for a few years, and try to just be friends until she gets to legal age.
She IS a little bit younger than u... try some girls around u... not all 18yo r that bad ~_~ Ur still young, don't go with someone that can't evan see rated R movies yet. Not that matters...

[Datatrain]

Uh what about a (Just last week) 19 year old going out with a 16 year old who's almost 17??

[moonbabe]

when i was 13, my mum and dad let me go out with this guy who was 21. I am saying it wasn't wrong, but not right. Yes i did sleep with this guy and he was my first. i don't regret it but i still hold a torch for him.