Help

[musketeer]

Hi guys I need some help. I'm sorry if theres alot of typos I've now been drinking because of the problem. I suppose I'd best give a little history first. I have been with my partner fpr many years and we haver a 15 year old daughter, the unusual thing is that we don't liver together. She still lives with her parents and I have had to move back to mine after having a place of my own.

Basically what happen is that my daughter wehilst out with me and S/O at amy friends started to be a tyopical teemnager and a real pain in the arse. I ttied to stop her and she just got worse so we had to leave my friends. She then started to threaten all sorts of thing against me - sucjh as setting the social services on me and that sort of thing. SAhe then once we got to my home ran off to make her way home, I was willing to let her do this but my partner wanted to go after her which I did. Once we caught her up she was talking on her mobile to someone - I don't knowe who but i think ity was her grandmother. I tried to get her in the car to take her home but she ran off again and at the piont I could say I lost it which I admit was not good. I was shouting at her to get in the car but she wouldn't, her granddad the appeared and started to interfear amnd I alomost decked him. This ahas been building up fopr a while and I know the next time I see him I will probably deck him as soon as I see him. I still care for samantha'd mother but I can no longer stand her family I don't know waht to do.

[musketeer]

just so you knowe I'm not a viloent chap normally - I will walk away rather have a confrontation.

[Lilith]

1) sleep it off
2) drinking because of problems only begats more problems
3) set an example for your daughter and take the high road

Trust me, you would not be the first person to ever yell at a teenager. Your family dynamics make situations that are routine more difficult. Call a family meeting, seek mediation or counseling if there are problems that can not be work out through compromise.

[musketeer]

I'm just so angry that its eating me up - and thats before I strted drinking. In tfact the drink has stopped me doing something stupid - last year I had a breakdown and I know if I had been alone tonight I would have started cutting myself again which is bad.

[Lilith]

Then it's time to seek some professional help. If you are to the point where you need something like alcohol to quiet the demons then you need to get some healthier coping skills to handle your anger.

[musketeer]

Drink isn't a usual refuge for me in fact its very unusual. I normally only drink a couple of beers a month if than at most, tonight I just needed something to help releive the tension I was feeling as I am a nosmoker beesr seemed to be the best option.

[Lilith]

((((musketeer)))) but you were looking for something to stop you from cutting yourself. That is good!! But you need coping skills to help you find better choices than alcohol to mellow you out. I am glad you stopped before you harmed someone.

[jennaflower]

drink.. and emotional discontent are such a bad combination (i.e. my new years eve thread).

The teen years are rough... on everyone involved. I would suggest you gathering ALL interested parties together (when EVERYONE is sober) and deal with this as rational adults. In order to get through to your daughter... ALL of you have to present to her a united front (no matter how ununited you might actually be).

HUGS

[Catch22]

The drinking will not help mate.

[musketeer]

Thanks guys - I'll let you know how things go.

[LixyChick]

((((musketeer))))) Please heed the well chosen/caring advice above!

And......as to your daughter calling social services on you..........my experience with that is this.....

Those that NEED to call them and SHOULD call them at any expense (the truly abused child)....never threaten this notion (aloud) for real fear of retaliation from their abuser! Those who continually threaten to call "the authorities"....with little or no knowledge of what abuse actually is.....should be taken aside and shown case records of children who are truly abused. The horrors of child abuse are so seperate and dinstinctive from disipline.....there can be no mistake! That children today misuse the system against their parents is so reprehensible I could scream!

Every child knows this threat stikes up some emotion in their parent. How bout turning the tables? Tell her.....ok....call the authorities and we'll sit down and discuss the laws. The law says that as your parent I have to provide you with a home and clothing and schooling until you are 18 or graduate or quit at age of consent. So, I'll let you stay here and they won't have to take you away....but you can only use your bedroom for sleeping....with no TV....no phone.....no stereo.....no computer. You can use the bathroom and shower facilities for X amount of time per day! I'll feed you three meals per day.....no more, no less. I am also required to give you clothing......so you can now shop at "GoodWill" (second-hand stores) and forget those $200.00 shoes you NEED and will die if you can't have.....I'm only required to shoe you....not make you the most popular teen on earth......so you can wear these $12.00 sneakers I got at the five and dime! As to school.....you can stay where you are now or, as a newly embarrassed teen (said clothing and shoes) who is a self proclaimed abused teen, you can go to a school for troubled children who need 24/7 psychiatric attention. Your choice! But yes.....indeed.......let's call the authorities....and we'll establish rules and follow laws as they are set forth! Go get me the phone honey!

Hey! Just a thought!

[jennaflower]

And it is Lixy's above post that is a great example of what a wonderful person she is... LOL... I couldn't (and wouldn't) have said it any better. :)

[LixyChick]

Oops!

*jumps off the soapbox*

Now I need a drink! LOL.......geezzzzzz......sorry bout that but I got passionate!

Now I have this song going through my head......

"Why can't they be like we were....perfect in every way! What's the matter with kids TODAY?????"

*straightens up the silver painted hanger (faux halo) and leaves the thread*

[dm383]

I have nothing to add to the advice given above....... just wanted to say, I hope things work out for you!

(btw..... drink absolutely DOESN'T help...... guess how I know?!?! ~ and it ain't cos I'm a Psych Nurse!)

DM

[musketeer]

Thanks Lixy - I have done the "ok lets go to see the social services thing" and yes as soon as we got out side she wanted to tell them when it suited her. And as for the rest becaue I don't live with her and her mother I can't unfortunatly do that, even though I know it would her the world of good just to see how well she is actually treated.

Thanks again to everyone for their helpful postings, as many of you know the darkness can sometimes seem to extinguish all light but by being postive i will soon reach and pass the point I was at before last night.

[pinkbutton]

Poor u. I feel really really sorry for u but i do agree with what everyone else is saying bout the drink wont help and im sorry to say this but it wont it will only makes things seem worse then u will go and dosomething u regret.
I was just wondereing if youd thought bout totally moving away from the situation to somewhere compleatly differant like nottingam for example? I can understand you perhaps wont to still be near your daughter but it might make makes things more bearable if u where to move on and make a new life for self then at least your actually out of the problem.

Anyway i hope things work themsleves out for you and keep in touch and let us know how things go and what u decide to do. Afterall the way i see it u cant stay around there for much longer and carry on with the way things are.