Jealousy

[rzande1]

What do all of you think. My ex and I did not talk for a long time and then we did again. We started to have sex again. Now she is talking about having another guy on the side as well. I have to say that this hit me like a sack of bricks. The jealous bug really took hold here. I explained to her how I felt about it and her response was get used to it. It is going to happen. I dont know what to do. I mean i enjoy hanging out with her but something like this totally is eliminating my want to play as well. What do all of you think? I know jealousy is just supossed to be an expression of my inner insecurities but still. I dont like it at all.

[rzande1]

Maybe it is just me but the whole thing makes me feel cheap and absolutely replaceable. I dont know. How am I supossed to handle this?

[Lilith]

She told you what your choices are. She has made her wants and needs clear. If they conflict with yours then it's probably not the relationship for you.

[rzande1]

Yea I think you are right. I am going to have to end my friendship with her totally. Actually as we speak I am telling her not to talk to me anymore and deleting her numbers from my phone.

[jseal]

... the whole thing makes me feel cheap and absolutely replaceable ...
rzande1,

If that is how she makes you feel, move on. Nothing but bad karma will come from a such a relationship.

[rzande1]

No actually I am totally jealous of her going with anyone because I still want her. I used to date her and still want to date her. She tells me all the time that sometimes she feels like my gf and that she loves me. I hate it but I think if she wants to go sleep with everyone on the damn block she can go ahead. I just simply touch her at all the moment she touches anyone else. it kills me cause i could seriously see spending my life with her but hey whatever. If she wants to become a $*&% then she can do it on her own time.

[rzande1]

LOL yea as you can tell I am kinda angry about all this right now. LOL "If you are going to do that well you are going to end up married to bubba that got you pregnant to living in a van down by the river"

[Fangtasia]

If she wants to become a $*&% then she can do it on her own time.
Well thats not very nice at all. Why the name calling? At least she had the 'balls' to tell you up front that she will be seeing someone else, more than what some will do!

If you cant cope with it, fine, move on, but dont go name calling your ex cause she knows what she wants in her life!

Comes back to the ole, Men are studs, girls are sluts if the have a few lovers, pisses me off

[rzande1]

actually that is wrong. she always told me that she would be exclusive to me and that she loves me. I never cheated or lied to her. she is my first and only. today she says she can't trust me out of the clear blue and that she wants to do that. I hate the whole thing. lol it has me so worked up thatmy buddy took me out to eat and to get drinks because my blood pressure is through the roof. I never slept with anyone else and expected her to hold up her part of the agreement too. this changes everything. it shows she has lied to me. it shows she has no values or moral and is trash in my book. I am very upset and seriously close to calling her up and telling her to go obsenity herself. I don't work 60 hours a week to be wildly successful for nothing. I wanted to provide for her forever. well forget her now.

[jseal]

... well forget her now.
rzande1,

If you can, it is probably for the best...

[rzande1]

and btw the fact that I am a guy does not instantly make me the bad part of the equation like a lot of people like to thnnk.

[Fangtasia]

I did not say you were the bad guy as such....but you need to get over it and move on....she has made her choice and was decent enough to tell you of it

Just cause she isnt fitting into your plans anymore.....Badmouthing her for knowing what she wants is wrong.

[rzande1]

Yea well what can I say. It sucks like crazy. So basically I will just keep working crazy ass hours and work more. This way I dont have to worry about any woman. 8 am to 9 pm. That will be good. I will just come home and sleep and go back to work. The only trouble is the weekends when I get out early on saturday and dont work sunday. I will have to find something else to do. Btw she was the only one to see anything in me so after this i am pretty much screwed. It is going to suck to have no relationships the rest of my life. Shit am I going to be depressed even more after all those hours.

[Steph]

Don't be pussy about it now!

[rzande1]

I am not being a pussy about it. I am being realistic about it. I am accepting that I have no life and no chance of a woman being in my life. it is fine. It really is. why? Well it is easy. I suck with women. LOL It really is that bad.

[Fangtasia]

With that attitude yep its bad!....Get up, dust yaself off and go get a life...same as most other people do

And its obviously NOT fine or ya wouldn't be here bitching about it

[Lilith]

At 22 you have a lifetime of lovin and learnin to go through. No one ever said it would be easy, just worth it.

[PantyFanatic]

Zan, the reality for ALL of us seems to be that we are subject to radical change at any time and in any direction. Be happy this happened early in your life. Work isn't a bad way to empty your mind of chaos. (I know a research position in the basement of a physics department some place works after about five years. :roflmao: )

The other reality is that we ARE all as replaceable as sparkplugs. They replaced MacArthur, didn't they? ;)

[rzande1]

So yea here is the update. I was talking to her and she says i am supossedly her primary guy. She would tell me every detail of what she does with everyone else and also she said it might be just a one time thing and then she would be happy with just me. She says that she feels she only lives once and wants to have some fun. You know it is funny that I dont wanna see her do it cause i wanna protect her from getting pregnant and disease etc.

[PantyFanatic]

.... You know it is funny that I dont wanna see her do it cause i wanna protect her from getting pregnant and disease etc.
Sounds like she made the choice that's not YOUR job. That's her job now. Maybe just take care of your own ass so you can do sometning for somebody that may want your help someday.

[rzande1]

You know I got to say it sucks. I was totally happy with her. I dont know why things have to change. Ah well what can I say. I seriously hate the fact that I cant find anyone. I figured I was set with her. She saw something in me. No one else ever did or will. I was so happy. Ah well. I guess i am going to have to just focus on material things for happiness.

[PantyFanatic]

.... I guess i am going to have to just focus on material things for happiness.
Yeah! Good start. :thumb:
You've already proved there's not a lot of action with the R.S.V.P. for the pitty-patries.
Get off your duff and give it a try. Sounds like it can't be any more miserable then what you're doing now.

[rzande1]

See what I do not understand and what is really kinda discouraging to me is how everyone at work has a bf or gf. They are all young too. I mean how does that work? I just keep thinking that I am missing out on something that feeds my failure with women. I mean to not even get any attention. Ah well. I dont know what I am doing wrong.

[PantyFanatic]

STOP sending invitations to the party!
:thumbs:

[rzande1]

I dont recall pantyfanatic. I am looking at the "list" and you are not invited.

[Booger]

Well you come into Pixes and start a pitty party for yourself I would say all pixes would be invited.

[PantyFanatic]

I am not being a pussy about it. I am being realistic about it. I am accepting that I have no life and no chance of a woman being in my life. it is fine. It really is. why? Well it is easy. I suck with women. LOL It really is that bad.
Ya pays ya money, ya takes ya pick :shrug:

[Oldfart]

rzande1,

There are so many things going on here all at once, so it's no wonder you're confused.

Firstly, your ex-girlfriend has discovered that she has wants beyond you.

Secondly, your low self-esteem has you wanting to hang onto something which you see as the only strong good thing in your life.

Thirdly, your ex has so little respect for you, matching your own, that she won't end the relationship you are unable to do so.

Fourthly, until you get a grip and start living for yourself, not expecting others to prop up your emotional existance, you'll stay fucked.

Fifthly, re-read the above four until fully absorbed and digested.

[WildIrish]

Holy shit. :withstupi

[Aqua]

Ditto :withstupi

[Oldfart]

Worried I came on too strongly up there.

Glad to see agreement.

[wyndhy]

nope. for whatever it's worth, i agree too OF.

[Oldfart]

Your opinion is always worth a lot, wyndhy.

[rzande1]

Actually weird thing happened. now we are planning a romantic evening this saturday lol. now she says she wants to be with me. she still wants to screw another guy to see how it is.

[maddy]

This is why I don't even bother looking for a relationship, d-r-a-m-a.

[Oldfart]

maddy,

My idea of a relationship is whatever you and your relatee decide. If it doesn't suit you, you brush the old relationship off and wait for a new one.

People who chase relationships, and are willing to accept a relationship based on inequality, ultimately are responsible for their own dissatisfaction.

It is often better to have no relationship rather than a poor or unhappy one. Such things are corrosive to the heart and spirit.

We are selective in cars, food and music. We should be so much more selective in beginning a relationship.

[wyndhy]

((maddy))
they aren't all drama. there is always a trade off, but a good, heathy, trusting and loving relationship is worth any amount of work. it's just the destructive ones we all should avoid.

[Oldfart]

^^^ What she said too.

[maddy]

:) eh... i've been spouting at the mouth all day today. I've lost patience with human kind today. thanks for the encouragement though, there just might be hope for me...

Although, I expect him to magically appear out of thin air some day too :)

[PantyFanatic]

This is why I don't even bother looking for a relationship, d-r-a-m-a.
((maddy))
they aren't all drama. there is always a trade off, but a good, heathy, trusting and loving relationship is worth any amount of work. it's just the destructive ones we all should avoid.

Trust, love and work are a relationship. Drama is not.

[wyndhy]

i beg to differ, pf. every relationship has some amount of drama. even friendships.

[PantyFanatic]

i beg to differ, pf. every relationship has some amount of drama. even friendships.
If drama is defined as other than game-playing, please............. :confused:

[wyndhy]

it's game-playing yes, but it's also *anything* that has a huge emotional effect. like a fight blown out of proportion...or not blown out of proportion. like strife and tragedy. or passion and experiencing life changing/challenging things together. hell, i'd say the birth of our kids was pretty dramatic, as was the ridiculous fight we had a few weeks ago and the not so ridiculous one we had just the other day. anyhting that is charged with emotion is going to have drama but not all the time and some of the drama will be the stupid theatrical crap but most of it isn't. i'm just saying it's not the drama we avoid, it's the disrespect.

[Steph]

i'm just saying it's not the drama we avoid, it's the disrespect.

Ah, and some avoid the drama & the road not taken . . .

*shoves hands in pockets & shrugs her way outta here*

[Oldfart]

Steph,

Whose pockets, perchance?