You are. And as bad as I remember it being, I was lucky too. There are those that have it worse and I know that.

I will be visiting some of those ideas in the near future. My daughter has pushed for her, my mother & I to get together. Just the three of us at my mother's house. My daughter and I started rebuilding our relationship a few years ago. We're fairly close, now. My mother and I have seen each other twice in 18 years. The last time was at my son's wedding and we were barely civil to each other. We will be getting together from November 9th until the 12th and staying at her house. I am trying to let go of an awful lot of, let's just call them "bad feelings". It is a tough thing to do. Especially with her. So, lengthy though this is, I understand the premise. I've been toying with the idea of just shifting into neutral and letting things pass over me when I'm there. We'll see.

Mae,

Good luck with the time with your mother.

Hope it's more healing than confrontational.

Thank you, OF. :)

Gosh, this is something I struggle with often. I had a very wise friend that crossed my path briefly in college. I shared a lot of my family baggage with her and she shared with me the idea (which most of you already know) that our past, good - bad - right - wrong or otherwise, helps shape us into the person we are today. It was a HUGE revelation for me at the time, and allowed me to look upon many moments I had viewed very negatively and found the positives of my person at that point in time. I still strongly believe it has made me the driven, successful, and independent person I am. Only recently I have realized that while those are wonderful strengths they have also caused me to miss out on some other things in life. Now I toy with determining how to accept some of the other baggage I've created in my recent past and where to carry myself forward.

Obviously you are all very bright people, and none of this is earth shattering to you... but it's nice knowing none of us are alone as we each take a personal quest to make peace with the past, and treasure today and tomorrow for what they are.

Knowing and doing are often two seperate things. I've sometimes wondered if I'd have turned out a much better person without going through some of the emotional struggles of my life. ;)

But all-in-all, maddy ~ you're right. And I wish you the best of luck on your journey towards peace and happiness.

Osuche

It's sheer bloody-minded survival.

If you don't come to terms with the shit in your past AND present,

the baggage will drag you down.

Past shit is today's fertilizer, grow from it. (Sorry sounded too profound to ignore).

You know, I think you're right. :) Loving someone else requires that I love *me* first.....which necessitates dealing with my past.

Ahhhh.... the perspective old age gives you. :p ;)

Yes, I met an old person who lent me her perspective LOL