lol no no...i meant i had been hangin out with old friends and i have gotten closer to them....then i meant me and my fiance are proly gonna get back together.


i edited the post up there....does it make more sense now?

Oopss....ok.....sorry *blushing*

SOUNDS GREAT THEN!!!!

Take it slow....just enjoy eachothers company, have fun!!!!

Packrat, from someone who was in the Marine Corps for 12 years, you need to move on. Begin a new life with someone you can trust.

In my twelve years in, I was married 11 of them. I was in The 1st Gulf War, and out in the field for months at a time before and after the war, and the whole time I was gone from my wife I never once had to worry about her sleeping with someone else. I trusted her deeply and totally.

You my friend cannot trust the women you are with, otherwise you would not get jealous when she is not with you. I have a good idea the feelings you have about your fiance, because I feel the same about my wife, who I have been married to for 20 years this past January. I trust her and don't worry about her when she is not around me.

It is hard to give up on someone you love and feel the things you feel, but marriage is built on trust. No trust, no marriage. You will just become another divorce statisic.

I'm going to tell you like your drill instructor or drill Sergeant told you, "PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND GET WITH THE PROGRAM BOY!!!"

The military made or makes you jump thru hoops, why should your jump through hoops when you get home for your wife.

Good luck either way you decide. Its your choice with the advice you have asked for.

loulabelle where are you? :) you are the s*** when it comes to advice

some thoughts
 

If I may:

To go and have sex with this woman on your "first date" after all that has happened in the last 5 weeks would be a huge mistake, in my opinion. I realize you miss it. I realize you probably miss that feeling of closeness and security. But trust me: Any feelings of closeness, security or even love you may get from sex with her will be fleeting if you don't first deal with the issues at hand. Namely:

Respect -- does your ex respect you as a man, as potential husband? I mean does she admire you? does she listen to you and consider your point of view? Does she appreciate your ideas, your dreams, your goals?
This is the most important thing a woman can give a man. More important than sex by far. (I hope you all will understand me here.)
A man needs to feel respected by his woman. When repsect is not there, everything falls out of whack. I think the men on this board will understand me when I say this.

Trust -- Do you trust her unreservedly? Can you let her be her own person without being afraid she'll outgrow you or stop loving you? Cuz she'll know it when you don't trust her. She'll feel it if you are insecure about your relationship.

Love -- Are you willing to do what is best for her? Are you willing to put her needs above yours? Are you prepared to let her go if you come to the realization that that is what is best for her?

Just some things for you to think about (and maybe talk about) before you start back into a sexual relationship as if nothing has happened to you (and her).

Good luck....

as long as she is happy...

packrat, for a moment be selfish... what will make you happy? You can't devote your life to making her happy....especially if she isn't doing the same.

There are other women in the world, and if you can't find one of them - singledom is not a death sentence.

i am happy now and content....but i'd be happier if she was with me

Hiya packrat....since you've asked for my advice in particular I'll try to add something here, although between them the others have it all sewn up.

She says she misses your relationship and commitment - but packrat, honey, she doesn't say she misses YOU. She's lonely (hardly surprising after being in a relationship where you did all the giving and she did all the taking) and she's not sure if she likes being on her own, but that's not the same as actively wanting to be with you.

It's great that you're rekindling old friendships...it feels like for once on this board someone actually listened to the advice we had to offer! Filling your life with activities and friends will make you a more interesting person, and easier for some other young lovely to fall in love with.

As for the ex, I'm afraid I have a hard and fast rule, never to go back to an ex. It's just asking for trouble in my opinion. I certainly wouldn't entertain the idea of having sex with her, even if she puts the moves on you and there are a number of reasons I feel this would be a big mistake for you:

1. As I said before, going back to an ex, particularly after such a short amount of time is usually the wrong thing to do.
2. She had all the control in this relationship, so you need to make sure, if you're going to ignore point 1, that second time around you set the pace not her.
3. She may just be using you for sex (yes, women do this too) and this will make you feel bad. I mean really really horrible. If she's going to use you like a dildo, you may as well just buy her one.

I usually try to be objective about these things, but if you want my honest opinion, packrat, I don't think this woman is any good for you. She seems to manipulate you, she calls all the shots and she's using the fact that you love her so much against you.

Think about it logically: you say you'd be happier with her in your life....but were you happier before? When she was cheating on you? When you were insecure and feeling jealous? When you were worrying that the relationship might end at any moment? There is no reason to suggest that things will be different second time around.

i appreciate all of the advice....i will keep you updated to what goes on....thanks again

LuLu---- Amen sister, preach on

Packrat---- Be true to yourself before you give your heart away again. Think man, think, with the head on your shoulders not the one in your pants.

everyone thinks that lol but i am not just some horny dog....i really care about the girl and i love her. i am thinking though. i'm not going into this blindfolded trust me. the way it is looking is we are gonna go out on a date and it's gonna either make or break the situation. not to sound arrogant but i am a good decent guy. and when we go out and i finally got her face to face to where we can talk i'm gonna get to the bottom of all of this b/s. and then i will make my decision. but to let you know, i know of a girl who is interested in me and she gave me her number. right now i feel if it dont work with me and my ex i am not built up enough to get into any type of relationship. but either way i am gonna be friends with this other girl and if it doesn't work with my ex maybe in the future something may develop between me and the other girl. i dont wanna do a rebound thing cuz thats not being fair to the other girl thats why i haven't tried to make anything of it with her because i still love my ex. when i have made my decision and either makeit/break it i will start the process of emotional "healing" and then in a little while i might be ready for something else. i have been doin a lot of things lately and i do feel better. if me and my ex work something out i will not be a doormat this time around. if signs of the old start showing i will end it myself. the "golden triangle" so to speak is not on my mind as to making stupid decisions. i hope that makes sense :)

Not sure if my two cents count here, but why would you even want to get back with someone who treats you like shit? And why would you stay with someone who cheated on you? I'm afraid I don't understand. I know I for one would never get back together with someone who treated me horribly, and I won't. In all honesty, I wouldn't even remain friends with them. If they treated you that badly during a relationship, who's to say they wouldn't do the same in a friendship?

My advice is simple. Move on. You don't need her. If she cheated on you, get rid of her. If she treats you poorly, get rid of her. Don't learn things the hard way, it causes more damage than it does good.

Anyway, just my two cents, take it or leave it. It's your life and you'll end up doing what you want. =) Good luck with whatever you decide though.

i would love to actually chat with someone about this so if anyone is interested my yahoo messenger id is pfpackrat

hey hey pf, i am here to give ya an update on whats been goin on with me situation. we are not back together. we may end up but we may not. i'm still on the prowl though lol. i am goin out with my friends a lot and havin a blast. i like what i am doin and if i get back with her or anyone else for that matter i am still gonna keep my closeness with my family and friends. i am kinda talkin with one girl but right now i am not looking to get back into anything long term ya know so if she's cool with that then eventually we may be able to develop something ya know? but until then i am goin out havin a great time and just kickin it. loulabelle, my lady, how ya been?

Hehehehehe....aw...thanks packrat honey! I'm fine thanks....and it sounds like you are too!

I'm really pleased that things seem to be going well. You seem to have a good sensible approach to this whole thing; not putting your life on hold, but not rushing into another relationship either. Sensible man.

Sometimes, even when something really shitty happens, it can be a blessing in disguise. I know it's sometimes hard to take a fatalistic attitude (see the thread I started in this section for proof of how crap I am at the 'what will be, will be' thing!) but sometimes it really is all you can do!

I hope things continue to go well for you....you deserve it.

xxx

I don't know much about you so maybe I shouldn't be giving advice.
I'll just say it looks like your relationship is headed toward a Cuckold relationship so maybe you need to read up on it.

Cjack - you're a little late....packrat's no longer in the relationship.