My partner and I have not had sex in almost 1 year we have a 3 month old daughter now and I think that last time that we did have sex was when we concieved her. I do think that sex plays a important part in a relationship, but if you not getting any and your not happy I do not believe that cheating is the answer. I think that answer to sole that situation in communication, you need to be able to talk to your partner about what your needs are and what there needs are, and if you cant come to a comprimisation then it's best to part ways, saying that, that is only when both parties are willing to do that. Also you may also have the option of having a open relationship so that way you still have the intimacy of a loving relationship and both parties are not missing out on the sex factor.

In general an end to sex means something seriously wrong with the relationship and it should be ended. However, especially as people get older it might not.

Well sometime a couple does not have the option as to wether or not they have sex. I am usually very quiet in be but my partner on the occasion can get loud. At the moment we live in a 2 bedroom unit with his son and our daughter., because of lack of room our daughter hs her cot in our room we are unable to have sex in the bedroom because she will wake up as she is a very light sleeper ( she wakes up when we walk around the room ) and anywhere else we run the risk of my partners son waking up.
so sometimes you really don't have a option.

does not mean there is omething wrong with the relationship at all, as I meantioned in my previos post my partner and I don't have it and there is nothing wrong with our relationship

MIKAYLASMUMMY:

No...No...I understand that the immediate environment can determine the sex factor! Been there-Done that! If the relationship is healthy & strong you can certainly weather the dry spell. What I am saying is that if the sex stops because the intimacy stops, and you feel that you can't (or don't want to salvage it), then END the relationship BEFORE you move on to someone else!!! Like I said, CHEATING IS NOT AN OPTION, in my book!!!

Sorry to me that's just making excuses.

The shower is unacceptable for some reason? You can't put a lock on the sons door? You don't have friends that will take the kids for a few hours in the afternoon on the weekends? If a couple wants to have sex they will find a way to do it.

I suspect it's something more than that.

The shower? The bathroom counter? Sitting on the edge of the tub (assuming you have one)? That's a locked door. Do it when you won't wake anyone up, so what if you're overheard?

I will admit that the shower is out of the question for some couples (I include myself in that list. 13" of height difference makes any standing position other than holding her up utterly out of the question.) but there are other things you can do.

Sex doesn't have to be in bed at night. In the last 15 years I've done that maybe half a dozen times and all but one of those times was at her parent's house.

Ok I apologise, now it's more clear to me now what you meant

No nothing moe than that.
Shower, is way to small my partner is 6 foot amost and I am 5'6 so the differance in height andlack of room does make is very difficult in the shower.

Lock on his sons door :devil: :rolleyes: :eek: ummm I would never d that to him... he son I mean...

All of our friends and family eiher live interstate or too far to travel and/or we do not trust them with the kids, they can arely looking after them selves.
Nope nothing more than that

If you knew our lifestyles, the way we live, where we live you wold know what I mean by when I dissagree with you on this sentance :rolleyes:

I'm exactly 6ft and my wife is shorter than you are and we do just fine in the shower. So now I know you're making excuses. Which is fine, if you don't want to have sex it's no skin off of my nose.

But if he's not pestering you about it he's either asexual or getting it someplace else.

You keep talking about possibilities. His son might wake up and catch you. There are worse things in the world than a kid seeing his parents having sex. It's not going to scar him for life. And if your daughter wakes up so fucking what, she's three months old it's not like she knows what's going on.

I hate to break it to you but it doesn't matter where you live sex doesn't have to be in a bed with the lights out. Unless of course one partner is a complete and total prude.

Jude in mikayla's mums other posts she points out that the baby is a light sleeper, so if she does wake up during sex, then wouldn't they have to stop and tend to a crying baby? It isn't an excuse from what I can see.

Babies don't always cry when they wake up. Some times they just wake up roll over and go right back to sleep. Our daughter's crib was in our room, and it never bothered us at all.

Like I said she's three months old it's not like she's going to be scarred for life if the kid wakes up and sees anything.

Allowing a child under the age of 16 to witness a sex act is in fact child abuse (at least in this country) It's exactly the kind of thing that scars one for life, depending on his age and the circumstances.

I think you're somewhat insensitive Jude, to suggest that someone else's relationship (whom I doubt you truly know) is failing.

It is clear from other men's posts here on this thread that most men, do not in fact, think like you and it gets me to wondering whether your comments are just a reflection of your own sexual frustration within your relationship.....I don't know, I'm not there, but you seem to assume that women are out there making excuses not to have sex and that men can't live without it.

Relationships are hard enough, Jude, especially with a tiny baby to tend to, as you should know, so I don't think filling a woman's head with doubts about the strength of her relationship and the fidelity of her partner actually achieves anything other than messing with her head.

I'm always first to give advice to people on their relationships when they've asked for it, but I think before I type, and tread carefully as I'm aware that when I say things, I'm potentially messing with people's REAL lives.

Now, if you don't mind, I've got a PM to send to someone now, to make sure she's OK.

I was wondering when someone was going to put some sense into this. Looks like Lou beat us to it.

I'm not a lawyer but I believe there is a difference between allowing a child to see a sexual act and a kid happening to witness a sexual act by walking out on his parents. I also think that's a large part of what's wrong with our society, thinking that a kid witnessing a sex act between his parents is going to fuck him up some how.

She has said it has been over thirteen months since they had sex last. The last time being when they conceived their daughter. To *ME* that's too long. If they're happy with it then fine more power to them and God speed. But if she isn't happy with it, then she should change it. I have only been pointing out that if a couple wants to have sex there are ways to do it. Sure it's not always going to be flowers and candle light, but life isn't like that. You should know that parents have to take time out for each other, to make room for each other. Sure that's hard to do with a new baby but if the relationship is important to you then you do it.

I agree with WW. Unless there is a physical ailment or injury, it is usually indicative of some other problem.
I will not make a moral judgement on the merits of cheating except to say that if the relationship is a good one then cheating is a critical weakness in the partner that does so. If the relationship is poor, then both should address it!

I saw my grandparents gettin' it on, and I'm perfectly normal. :sad:

I am so glad we're not debating that little premise.

The two halves of the statement may be totally unrelated.

BTW, bonjour Jacques.

This thread is about cheating.

It is not about Mikaylasmummy's sex life, relationship, or parenting duties.

Let's get this back on subject.

Amen, Aqua!

:doorpeek:

Unless WI wants to tell us more about his Grandparents... :p

I'll pm you about the red satin sheets & the mirrors over the bed.




You think I'm kidding. :yikes:

For all those that this does not concern I am sorry that you need to read this.
I may get banned or a warning so I am.

Jude30
I do not appreciate you commenting on mine and my partner’s relationship being “not a good one “because we do not have sex. You do not know the 1st thing about my relationship, so you have no right what so ever coming and say that we do not have a good relationship just because my partner and I do not have sex, there are alot more things to a relationship other than sex. Even though as much as we want to it's not possible. Yes it is classified as “child abuse " here in Australia, and even if it wasn't known as that I would never ever expose my child to that sort of behavior, it's just not right.
There are alot of things going on here with our child and his child that you wouldn't even understand.
I do not feel that I need to justify my relationship to you, I don't understand that you think that because a couple does not have sex for a certain amount of time that that is something wrong with there relationship, I don't know maybe there your beliefs and I do respect them if there they are but at the same time you cannot come in here and tell someone that there relations is " not good " or " going down hill " just because what is happening with it does not fit in with what you believe that is just dis-respectful...



For all those people that pm'd n regards to this issue, I thankyou for your support it is really appreciated that I am not the only one who thinks like this. So thankyou for your support.

Actually I have every right to say what I said. As long as I stay within the borders of what is considered acceptable speech I can offer my opinion and view point on any subject I want to. On any public forum there are going to be some opinions you disagree with or don't want to hear. If you don't want opinions on a certain topic don't talk about it and you won't hear something that upsets you.

Now if you would find a direct quote FROM me in this thread where I said your relationships wasn't good, or going down hill I'd really appriciate it. What I have said is that if a couple really wants to have sex they will find a way.

You're right about this.

I've just got one thing to add: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Jude30- You were very judgemental about her relationship and several people have mentioned this to me privately. While you do have the right to say whatever you feel (within Pixies' posting ettiquette), people also have the right to think you a jerk for having said it.

I'm perfectly willing to accept the consequences for my posts. If I sometimes come across as a jerk or an ass because my opinion is unpopular then I can either choose to keep quiet or I can live with what I've said. To be honest I've filtered every one of my responses in this thread through my wife, which I hardly ever do. But I've wanted to get someone else's opinion on whether I was being too harsh. There are a few posts where I had to soften what she's said for fear I'd come off as even more of a jerk than I seem to be gaining a reputation to being.

I honestly don't feel as if I have been judgmental about her relationship since I've said many times if it's working for them then that's fine but it would not work for me. I've been very careful to address my replies as they would apply to me.

Now I haven't once in any of my posts condoned cheating in her case which is the original subject of this thread. So if anyone cares what my solution would most likely be it would be this. After a month with no sex I would ask if anything is wrong. If I had done something to push her away. Knowing me though I wouldn't be polite about it the first time but would change my tune soon enough and honestly ask what the problem is and what I can do to fix the lack of physical intimacy. If that didn't fix the problem or there seemed to be a consistent pattern of no sex for an extended period followed by one time then a month without I would ask for some couples counseling.

My wife and I have a young daughter and live in a small house. Our daughter shares our room with us, something we really need to rectify. Until then though we decided a long time ago that the physical part of our relationship was important and we would take steps to keep it alive. Our living room floor has seen more action in the past three years than in the previous 15 years of our relationship combined. Any couple that wants to have sex can figure out a way to do it. I honestly think she is making excuses for why they haven't had sex in over 13 months. I also think that there are worse things in the world than for a kid to see his parents having sex. It happens, practically everyone I know has walked in on their parents. Besides the kid is nine, in the past 13 months he hasn't spent the night at a friends house, or gone to the movie with a friend? Are these not all valid questions and oppurtunities? I'm not trying to be judgmental with these questions I'm just trying to figure things out and offer solutions to their situation.

1. Thanks for resorting to name calling quite the grown up thing to do.

2. Considering my first post on this thread was the fifth post over all and her first post on this thread wasn't until the 76th post I find it interesting that you think she's the only person I've replied to.

3. When a person posts a piece of personal information on a public message board it becomes anyones business who wants to make it theirs. It's that simple and I've stated it once before in this thread, if you don't want people commenting on your life don't post about your life. And once again for the reading comprehension impaired I'm not judging anyone's relationship only making statements on them based on my opinion and what they have allowed us to know about them.

4. If I had a martyr complex I could argue that I am the one being wronged here since all I have done is say that 13 months would be too long for me to go without sex unless there was a medical reason, and that any couple who wants to have sex can and will find a way. Yet making these two very simple statements somehow makes me a bad person. Not one person has offered a counter argument to these two statements. Only the accusation that I am somehow a jerk or rude.

Good thing I don't have (much of) a martyr complex and just I just think people are entitled to their opinions about me based on what I write here.

5. I have continued to post only because people keep directing posts to me personally. When I see my screen name in a post I tend to reply. There are two ways I'm going to not respond to this thread, one is that someone explains to me how a couple who really truly wants to have sex with each other can't when distance or health aren't issues, or people stop talking directly to me.

Perhaps we may have to ask Lil if she can split the thread between "a time and a place for cheating" and "a time and a place for aggression".

Some of the posts here were lodged as examples, and as such are open to debate as to how they relate to cheating, not as stand-alone points. If they were meant for open debate they'd have been set up as a new thread.

The intention of the forum is to be supportive and experimentational, not adversarial.

Just my 2cents (post tax).

What he said. Grow up!

I think this is the line that people are mostly objecting to.

How would you like it if we suggested that your wife might be getting it someplace else for whatever reason (I dunno, say she'd like to have sex with someone less aggressive and more sensitive for a change)?

Yes, I'm being deliberately provocative, to make the point that no-one likes a virtual stranger to start handing down their (unsolicited) opinions on their relationships, based on a set of values not necessarily the same as their own.

Also, to do so with a post natal woman is just asking for trouble. Had it occurred to you that their MIGHT be something more serious going on here? Like, say, post-natal depression (although to be honest, in this case I doubt it) and that you sticking your oar in could actually contribute to making an unhappy situation worse?

Yes everyone's entitled to freedom of speech but if someone were standing on the edge of a cliff considering jumping, it might not be socially responsible to go over and suggest their partner is cheating on them. My point is, that you have NO IDEA what's really going on in people's lives here at Pixies so it's best to tread VERY carefully.

Anyone, who's been on Pixies for a while knows I'm not talking out of my arse here, and that things like this DO and HAVE happened, so if we older members seem to be jumping down your throat and being over-protective of someone whom we feel might be emotionally vulnerable THERE'S your reason.

*gets off my soap box and walks away from this thread, hopefully for the last time*

Thankyou very much Lilith!!!

That is exactly right!!

Just get ovr it Jude what has been said has been said.

I cannot believe that you said:

But if he's not pestering you about it he's either asexual or getting it someplace else.

I was not going to write any more to this thread mainly because of you and I was going to go my own way and ransac the other topics here on Pixies but this comment has completely over stepped what you previously said..
So basically your saying that my partner is either asexual or cheating because we are not having sex???
Alot of people may not want to know this and I didn't really want to write but you have left me no choice. For the 1st 10 months it was because I was pregnant now seeing your a male you could never ever understand what it's like being pregnant all the aches and pains that come along with it.
Considering my partner has a rather large dick thing on a normal day are already very tight down there!!
Now on top of that, you add swelling, the pain because you strecthing, there is a womb there so that alreay makes the the amount of room in there half!!!

Now you have really offended my by saying what you said.

I appreciated the helpful suggestion.

I sincerely appologise for saying that. Honestly I do, that was uncalled for.

It does not change the fact however that if a couple wants to have sex they will find a way.

You can have sex while pregnant most of the time. My wife and I weren't able to. We were one of the tiny percentage of people who couldn't. But there are other things you can do besides normal penis into a vagina as far as sex goes.

Lilith you didn't have to remove Mark's post on the second page, my response looks sorta silly without his to bounce it off of.

He was being rude and name calling. It was not called for. Plus I fucked up when I split the thread at 5 freakin' am. Could you people please fuss with eachother when I'm wide awake :D