Should sexless Marriages open the door?
 

If you were in a sexless marriage would you find it from someone else?
And, if you were the one not giving the sex in your marriage would you allow, or look the other way if your spouce took a lover?

I believe that there are far too many reasons for a marriage to become sexless and each case would have to depend on the reason and the discussion between the partners.

Ok, thanks for responding.
What it is only because one partner did not WANT sex any more?
I realize that several issues can contribute. Depression, finances, loss of someone.. a variety of reasons.. so lets just say that the reason is that one party of the marriage just is no longer interested in sex.

Oh, and no.. I am not in one. I was just discussing it with someone and thought I would ask the board what they thought. :)

billysworld, this sounds personal - and i think if you are looking for validation. It's not fair to ask for it here where we only get the benefit of knowing what you are willing to share rather than the whole story from both members of the relationship. Follow your heart and do what you believe to be right.

If I'm incorrect, I apologize for being so presumptious. But as BIBI said, the circumstances of the situation are bound to be unique and communication is essential.

If one person weren't interested at all...and were unwilling even though they knoew their partner *needed* sex...I would tend to believe that sexless partner were somewhat selfish.

Personally, I would tend to advocate discussing the situation and coming to an understanding...either (1) sexless partner compromises by having some sex becauses/he loves the other party and wants to make them happy, or (2) sexless partner agrees to allow mate to find a substitute, or (3) they decide to get divorced.

I think making the decision without a discussion is a BAD idea.

You are incorrect. this is not one of those "I have a friend" things at all. I was discussing it with someone who expressed to me that they are in one. I thought I would put it out there for discussion.
No reason to apologize to me at all, you are simply mistaken in reading into it.
I can't be in a sexless marriage since I am not married. I am however in a very sexful singles life.
Lets please not read into what was not written.
Thanks :)

osuche,
Very good post. I do agree that discussion needs to take place. I agree that it is selfish of one partner to expect the other to understand and not have "needs" based on thier mood or lack of interest.

Billysworld isn't making it up, he was talking to me

Tigerlilly,
I wasn't going to out you. But thank you for posting :) You're a Doll.

OOps. I mean Tigerlily. Sorry for the typo.

(((((Tigerlily)))))

Having been there myself....not that long ago....I'd advocate having a discussion with your mate about it. Work out a solution that seems best for you both, or try some ideas out together. First I think you have to understand whether you're committed to staying with your partner and whether the relationship is worth working on.

Personally, I've found my sex drive is much higher than my husband's. This means that there are some nights I end up masturbating while he is asleep beside me. However, I've also learned -- through talking to him -- that romance is more important to him. If he *knows* he's going to have me several hours later, and I give him a scenario to dream about...he'll be hot and ready for me. I've also found that if I can get him to have sex two days in a row his libido starts to kick in and I often can get a several day stretch going. :) Most of all, I learned to tune in. Sex is something I'm almost *always* interested in (unless I have to pee), but for him it's more of a mental exercise.

Having had those conversations repeatedly and to no avail, I choose to make do with what I've got... a handful of toys and a computer

Is this a sexless marriage or a loveless one? If your spouse is unable to perform for whatever reasons (be they emotional or physical) that is one thing but if they consciously choose not to despite knowing you need it then sex is the least of your problems. There is no justification for going behind someone's back. If sex is the only issue then that can be resolved (by a doctor, by agreeing to a open relationship, by a therapist, etc.) but I have a feeling it's way deeper than that.

For me personally

Cheating is cheating...no matter what the reason

We'd either discuss an open relationship or get divorced