Must be spring.

I've messed about with online communities of one stripe or another since college (for those doing the math...that's about 14 years). And the first couple of times I saw this sort of thing, I was seriously upset. Deeply traumatized. Guilty about nothing I'd actually done, worried about the future of my online home...seriously contemplated leaving myself.

But ALWAYS it goes back to normal. Never exactly the same. But back to normal. And while I have missed people who quietly faded away or who left a cryptic message just so their friends would know they were leaving, I've never felt the loss of someone who set off a big "you all suck" bomb on the way out the door.

But about the clique thing (not assuming that waltaja sees this...just that it may be something preying on other less-vocal members), I'm shocked how often I see the accusation. And while I'm sure it can be true....it oh so frequently isn't. Hell, I know there are tight friendships on here, I know there are people who are more outgoing and participate freely from the off, I know there are people who can dedicate more time or spend hours in chat, I know there are in jokes, and that not everyone puts as much effort into drawing out the new kids as some of the new kids might want.

But I also know this. There's a sneaky little piece of me that feels like an outsider everywhere I go. That piece feels like an outsider here...and this is one of the most friendly and accepting places I've ever found online! It's the piece that, were I so inclined, would feel rejected by the mythic "Pixies clique". It takes an act of God to make me feel like I belong somewhere, and I know that about myself. As an adult, it's something I simply understand about myself...and do my best to ignore. It's not something done to me, it's something I brought to the party.

And I am SO not alone in that. There are loads of people who feel alone and rejected no matter HOW open or welcoming the crowd. They just don't realize they brought it with them. They don't want the responsibility, they want to blame others for their discomfort. So they see cliques and rejection where there are only old friendships and long history. Literally nothing the Pixieites could have done would have made such a person feel like part of the clique, you can't gift anyone with the patina of a long-held friend. And sometimes I don't think even that would be enough.

Which is way more than my fair 2cents....but I just wanted to tell everyone to simmer the hell down, the dust'll clear. Those who stay will want to be here, those who don't won't and that's really the whole of it. This is not now nor was it EVER about politics. That's just the sore spot that it's getting blamed on. I'm off to keep packing my life into boxes, and to keep my head down until the nonsense goes away and we can go back to having fun. Cause I'm 120% sure that's where it'll all be back to this time next week.

G