That's a sad story Irish! Anyhoo, RG, I hope your problem will work itself out soon. I don't really have anything to add except to second that an ultimatum is probably not the best way to go. I definitely like the taking him by force idea, but only you can feel out the situation to know if that would actually get through to him or just make him angry/hurt. All in all, maybe you could both seek counseling so that he can become more comfortable discussing your relationship- both emotional and sexual. Best of luck though in any path you choose

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I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the truth of imagination. What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth - whether it existed before or not.
-John Keats