I absolutely suck at this stuff. I knew this week was going to be a challenge for me. But as of this morning I'm up 13lbs from my lowest point. I'm disgusted with myself. I went from a loss of 39 lbs to only a loss of 26 lbs. Everyday I say this is the day I'm going to be good and re-establish the habit and I can't get it to last more than two days.

I've been weeak. I know this isn't anyone's fault but my own. Afterall, no one is making me purchase bakery chocolate chip cookies, or making me slather them with a thick layer of peanut butter when I eat them. Yah, talk about true fat girl food and mentality. As if the cookie isn't treat enough, I have to add a heap of peanut butter to it.

My pants are getting tighter instead of looser. I'm getting painful zits on my forehead. I'm getting cranky. My sleep patterns are a mess.

I will eat well today. Unfortunately I will consume alcohol tonight which is never good for this little plan I'm trying to follow. I can't even say I will limit myself to one drink today. I don't have that control or desire.

What I can say, is I will really soul search tomorrow. I will go back and read my journals from the beginning. Remember what I was eating and what I was doing and see how to re-instill those patterns back into my life.

I'm angry with myself and disappointed. I. Must. Fix. What. I've. Broken.

Venting Blog. Over.

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When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and swing.