update:
he performed really well for the developmental eval (as we knew he would) and the service coordinator has an approach that's closer to our own. turns out she's a neighbor, too, so we got to talk a little less formally than i have been able to do with the other therapists. we both agreed that the boy would not benefit from any of the classes (the ST was a little misinformed about the types of off-campus classes offered - there are speech and language classes but they're filled with kids who are much more delayed than our boy and are therefore less like preschool, more like therapy. and head start was never something we thought he needed). she also agreed she saw no SPD or hyper-activity in him, either. she told me (on the QT) that she's found that many of their contracted OT's tend to approach any quirks with some very strict interpretations and do exactly what i was moaning about. so the bottom line is that if the contracted OT's recommended therapy is too much, she'll send out the IU's OT, or relay what she saw to their OT, so they can come up with a more appropriate plan. or, more likely, not recommend therapy at all.
still waiting to se if he's still 25% delayed in speech - he finished up his test last week and we won't be hearing from the service coordinator for a few weeks yet. i wouldn't be surprised either way, though. i do like the half hour or so he gets with his ST every week - he really enjoys it and i think it builds up his confidence so much - he doesn't get nearly as frustrated as he used to when people couldn't understand him. then again, people couldn't understand him a lot more often. but i also wouldn't be too sorry to see it go.
on the off chance they recommend OT therapy i do not agree with, we'll either work together toward something we can all agree on. i can also decline OT therapy and still keep the speech if he qualifies
i did talk to one of my cousins who owns a company that works as a subcontractor for the IU where she lives and she agreed with me. my sister, who works directly for the IU, didn't. she still thinks i should fight to get him in this class and use the phone call from the OT telling me he has severe SPD as ammo. my sister's always been a bit uptight.
i worried for nothing.
as usual.
thanks again lil (((hugs)))