thank you everyone for your support both public and private.

I'm still winning, no ultrams.

Along with the support of LS I realized that the reason I was taking the pills is I am a constant worrier, always stressed about something. I used them in the same way I used Marijuana at one point just to put me in a place where I don't worry. interestingly enough I found myself relaxing over the ritual of taking out the drug, pulling stems and seeds and generally breaking it up. by the time I was packing the bowl I didn't need to smoke. but that took a fairly long time to reach the point that the ritual was as calming as the act. And the really sad part is when I quit smoking it all together, I didn't once go..... god I need weed. I felt no physical or mental cravings, myself. shrug. I know I'm horrid.

__________________
-Seems we got here just in the nick of time. Whats that make us?
--Big damn heros Sir.
-Ain't we just.