No one said anything about bashing emus, just squeezing them.

Emu squeezer. Now that'd be an interesting item to have on one's resume. Wonder if the pay is any good.

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.