Having the wait-person drop an entire sauce-cup full of ketchup in my lap.

Next time just bring me the bottle, OK? I'll take care of spilling it myself.

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.