MASSTERPIECE PLAYHOUSE: LESBIAN PAINT ENEMAS
Dir: Joe Gallant
www.blackmirror.com
Rating: 10
I am a Renaissance man. I write, paint (not like the women in this video, who do paint enemas and shoot paint and faeces out of their asses onto the canvas), I take photos, draw, direct and occasional make rap music. Granted, I am not particularly good at these things (especially the rapping) but I enjoy them nonetheless.
I don’t consider myself an artist, due to the homosexual stigma that seems to go with the title, but I’m sure one day, after my death, I will be revered as one of the great artists to have ever come out of New Jersey.
Yet like so many who are discovered after their passing my art was shunned during my life, and I was once thrown out of a drawing class. The class was a three-dimensional-drawing class. Too bad I can only draw one-dimensionally. But I thought my obvious artistic gift would shine through and the drawing teacher would be forced to give me high marks. She asked us to draw the human form as we saw it.
And so I drew a big-breasted naked woman wearing KISS make-up (see illustration below). I was finished before the others had uncapped their markers. “This is not a race,” she told me. “Genius doesn’t wait for the pack to catch up,” I responded. She asked to see my work and then made the face people make when someone shits in their mouth. She showed the class. They all laughed. I was shocked. Then she said, “I don’t think things are going to work out for you and I.” Defeated, I walked out, unsure of what to do next. Then I ran back in, shook my fist at her and said, “You haven’t heard the last of Chris Nieratko!” Then stormed off laughing like an evil maniac.
I’m just kidding. I didn’t really do that. But I wanted to.