Did he call at all in the four days you didn't talk? Leave any messages? Try to get a hold of you? Beg you on your machine to "please pick up, I miss you and I know you are there"?

This guy is having his cake and eating it too! I truly never understood that quote in reference to actual food......I mean, if your gonna have a piece of cake....you gotta eat the damn thing or it'll go stale! But in reference and context to relationships.....it's been a no-no since the big bang!

Honey.........I agree with all comments above......except the testing part (sorry osuche....just that, my opinion differs). Relationships shouldn't be mind games.......and if you feel love for someone.....you should be able to voice your feelings without fear of loss! If you do voice yourself....and you lose him because he doesn't want to talk with you about your concerns or be bothered by such deep emotions............he was NEVER yours in the first place! Relationships are give and take. He's taking and you are giving! That's not the give and take I mean!

You say, when he finally came over....he held you......he voiced how much HE missed you.......then....you were intimate......and he held you some more, but didn't indicate that he wanted the same in return.......This is the proverbial "red flag" that Cheyanne spoke of! It may have been a euphoric moment for you in the afterglow.........and I hate to ruin what I feel has settled in your mind as "proof" of his caring........but did you check to see if he hadn't just fallen asleep?

I'm so sorry to sound so harsh..........it's just that (at my age) I've experienced and heard of this scenario so much.....I just want to pass along some insight so you can have a base to stand on when you finally come to your senses (love is blind....but the neighbors ain't). Just come right out and ask him what you want to know! Put it all down on a piece of paper if you feel nervous about it.......then pick a moment out of the bedroom, but not out in public, and tell him you have some concerns and questions and you'd like to know his thoughts and feelings about you as a couple before this relationship can go any further.

If you can trust him in thinking that the "other" relationship is just one of convience (though, I still don't understand what that "relationship" is......sex, friends, she's secondary g/f in case you two don't work out????......I dunno!), then why can't you trust him to withstand any question of doubt and reassurance you might have and need to have answered? If he cares for you the way you think he does......he'll be there at the end of the entire conversation and he'll make you feel rest assured that you needn't worry.....but that you are his heart and he is happy he is your heart!

Fair warning though............if he get's angry that "you have to ask".......if he refuses to talk about "such nonsense"........if he tells you, "you should know" how he feels and you shouldn't need to ask (but he never does speak from the heart)......if he get's so angry that he says "he's leaving till you come to your senses and realize how posessive and jealous you are being" (it's NOT posessive and jealous to have concerns when you are involved in a relationship and another person is also, directly involved).....or any scenario like that.......then you'll have your answer....and you know you will!

One more thing.......Is he living with her? You say, "he came over to your place"......you say, "when we met he was already IN a relationship"...you say, "and since they have been together for a while"..........but none of this is really clear! I promise racevixen.........we are only on this forum to help.......not judge.....and in order to dish out intelligent and helpful advice......we have to know just where you are coming from. With all the information you've supplied (or evaded), it leaves alot of blanks to actually say if you are enabling him (with your love) to "have his cake and eat it too"!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~