Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens
provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the
sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades
reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic
atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures
need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim, "What?
And spoil the mood?" (I just throw glitter on them & call
them holiday decorations).

Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up
against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to
use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter).

Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile
everything unsightly into one room and close the door.
As you show your guests through your tidy home,
rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl, and
"I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be
disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive."

Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply
place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, "This is
where Grandma wanted usto scatter her ashes."

Painting: Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble
lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons
and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior
did this the week before that unspeakable
accident, and I haven't had the heart to clean it."

General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented
household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle.
Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous
locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on
the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean, and I still don't
get anywhere."

As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in
a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies
for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean. Works every time.

If the house is clean, the computer has crashed!

__________________
Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts; they serve for sweet relieving when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.-Fiona Apple