I can speak as a badly sexually abused person, I was analy gang raped by 4 men as a 16 year old.

Till that stage I had some mild same sex fanatasies and that was cerntainly cured forever. It had life long and life threatening consequences for me. The thing was that I allowed the mental effects to rage on in my head for years and it wasn't till I failed in a very serious suicide attempt that I got professional help.

Your experience though luckily not physically serious would certainly be having the effect on you it has. The advice is good in my opinion, definately talk it over with your lover, that will be a great start. Sharing the problem can lessen it.

I would counsel you to at least visit a therapist so you can be properly assessed and treated if needed. It only gets worse if you let it go on unabated, it nearly cost me my life and ruined my teens and 20's.

I think it is a very positive step that you have entrusted us with this Ozkristin and you will find the Pixie folk will do the best they can to help you with caring advice.

Take care