I used to shop at one supermarket where a particular check out lady was quite stuck up. So week in week out I would get a 24 pack of condoms and a large tube of lubricant and give her a big smile as she put them through.

We don't even use condoms?

I do all the shopping, but can't get my head round all the size vaireties and wings or whatever, it gets embarassing if you are staring at the sanitary shelves for five minutes, looking puzzled as you pick up every pack - so Mrs. Vigil attends to her own needs.

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Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.