Here's a few words from someone who's been on that side of the fence....emotional abuse, not physical fortuanately, but the wounds of that can go just as deep..... BigBear, I bet if you asked any woman who got out of a situation like that, you'd find most of em with the same answer as mine....which is, I have no idea why I stayed and put up with it....in some weird way, the abusee begins to get brain-washed into actually believing that crap is necessary somehow....doesn't make sense, i know......there's also the issue of shame....even before i got out....I was deeply ashamed to let others know what was happening to me.....that somehow what HE did reflected badly on me...again, doesn't make sense, i know...... the abuse creates some wayyyyyy unrealistic self-esteem issues and alot of women begin to believe that what they get, they deserve......trust me, being told daily that you're a piece of shit and nobody else would want a piece of shit, well, that really does fuck up your head after awhile......then there's the oh so loving i'm sorry's afterward.....and that is the place i think the most damage is done....i don't know for sure but i do wonder if like pavlov's dog who salivated at the ringing of a bell, we abusees begin to associate the loving with the abuse in a warped way. (i.e. we want the love, crave the love, but the only way to get it is by going thru the abuse.....again, doesn't make sense).

As for how to fix it ...YOU can't.....only she can.....as the others here have said, continue to be a real friend to her.....offer what you can in the way of loving support for her ordeal.....continue to tell her to get out and to seek help.....tell her as often as you can that SHE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS AND THAT SHE DESERVES BETTER....say that often and say it loud.....i wish i had an answer as to what woke me up.....and like your friend who has you, i had a friend (the only person who knew what i lived with) who watched for 10 years or more....who stood just as helplessly by....but he never once abandoned me and i'm quite sure that by his remaining such a loyal and good friend throughout, he played a major part in my waking up..... remember, we abusees tend to think we don't deserve anything good....let her see you as good and that no matter what, you will be her friend.....that one small gesture is a mountain of love to us. Good Luck.

Just thought I'd say that after seeing how all of this has affected you, I'm gonna call my friend later and make sure he knows how much i appreciate him.