My experiences with sex started when I was 18. Like a few mentioned before - sex was linked to my emotions of wanting to be loved and feel loved by the person I was with. There was no exploration or experimentation - just straight sex. I wasn't in a position where I could express my desires to try certain things - wasn't confident in myself or my relationships to even express any desire to do so - even though I had those thoughts, I guess I felt like a "bad girl" to even think of those things.

The relationships that I had ended badly - I was cheated on by each and every one, emotional and physically abused as well - and that was a blow to my ability to trust anyone, much less express any hidden desires to them and exposing myself to even more emotional pain.

It was a leap of faith for me to enter into another relationship, but the one that I have with Cobalt is all that I have ever wanted and hoped for. I can be me, and I am not afraid of sharing anything about my secret desires or exploring and thinking of new things and letting him know. Pixies taught me that thoughts that I had aren't bad, but pretty normal and to talk about them is an ok thing to do with your partner. The fact that Cobalt loves me to distraction really helps too! I feel confident enough in our relationship to tell him things that I might be interested in trying - he tells me things too and gives me room to mull them over without any expectations on his part. He will even make suggestions or give me new ideas to think about - he is much more "worldly" than I am.. lol

LOL - and the fact that when I tell him his eyes light up and he groans a little makes me shiver... I anticipate my sexual awakening will continue because of his encouragement and love.

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.