Hon, you may have to start building your own escape route, as cold blooded as that seems. DEFINATELY talk to the AF agencies Scarecrow mentioned. And if you and your husband are at all interested in counceling, do that as well! But while you're doing that, I'd start figuring out what your life could be like in the future. I don't mean fantasizing about starting over, I mean really coldly looking at the practical side. What kind of job are you interested in persuing? Do you want to live near family? How are you going to keep body and soul together IF you get a divorce. Then start taking practical actions in that direction. If you want to move back to the area your mom's in, you can start looking for apartments and jobs from the far side of the world. Interviews would be tough, but you could at least get an idea of what's available, and what the wages/rents look like. I think, given your situation, that it would be damned difficult to stay on this side of the ocean. But I get the sense that you don't really want to.

Most importantly, though... keep in mind that thinking through this stuff does not mean that you have to stop working on your marriage. I know one girl who planned her escape, and just knowing she COULD leave took off so much pressure that she and her hubby were then able to work out their differences. There's a fear and panic that can set in if you feel trapped in a marriage, just dealing with the trapped feeling might help in ways you didn't expect. It won't necessarily work that way with you....but I think it's important to know that just thinking about one set of options doesn't mean you've necessarily given up on the other.

In any case, I'm really sorry to hear you're so unhappy. Wish there was something more I could do!

G