Ok so I don't know how to introduce this so I am jumping right in...

My grandmother has been in intensive care or a hospital of some type since Christmas. We have almost lost her several times. She has had several heart attacks, a stroke, pnemonia(sp), a flesh eating disease, and some blood disease. When we first almost lost here I cried a great deal and accepted the fact that she was going to die. I then decided I had to be strong for my mom because I knew this was going to be hard on her. My grandmother keeps pulling strength out of no where and comes back to us. Well last week we got her off the ventalator and she was off for a full week, in the middle of that week however her trache fell out (that round thing in the neck if I spelt that wrong). There was a doctor on call that couldn't get it back in caused her to lose a lot of blood, well she asperated some of that blood and now has come down with her second case of pnemonia, diagnosed yesturday. I really don't think she is going to pull out of it...

Some background, I was taking classes about an hour away during the first six monthes of her being in the hospital so I was away and able to deal with it when I had time and on my own terms. I also had friends to hug and hold me when I was crying and help me deal. Now that I am home for the summer I don't have any close friends nearby, and everyday my mom goes to the hospital my mom makes me go as well.

I love my grandma, I was her favorite, it's not that I don't want to see her, it's just that I want to remember her as who she was, not an invalid in a bed who can't talk. All of the things that she loved to do, she can't now, nothing kills me more, she looks so sad. I remember back when we went to church together she would tell me, I just can't wait to go home... my question is... why won't she go, why won't he take her?? She is in so much pain, and she hurts so bad... you can just see it in her face.

Right now I am having trouble dealing, I can't cry in front of my mom for several reasons I don't want to get into. I need talk with someone but all my friends have work in the morning or I am unable to talk to. I don't know who really to turn to without sounding like some whinney kid. I'm not depressed, I just have this lonely open gapping hole suddenly...

So to turn this out of a self pitty party I have questions for all of you... Do you want to be a DNR (Do Not Revive(sp))? Which means no CPR, no help breatheing, and I am not sure what else, basically no life support. At what point did you decide you wanted to be a DNR? I feel right now if something happened to me I would want everyone to do what they could to help me live, I'm not ready to go. Lastly does your decision of this relate to your religious beliefs, or where you stand with God?

I would appreciate any advice or words that anyone can give me. I am sure I am not the only one that has experienced this. Give me some advice on how to handle it. I have never lost someone in my close imediate family.

__________________
~Kaelynn~

Some days life can be shitty , some days life can be outstanding ;
Sometimes you find love , sometimes you find fun ;

Just remember through all these changes you are you, special and unique...

Just a reminder to those who are like me and need it...

K~ I lost my grandmother a couple summers ago. I did not go to the hospital to see her either. I felt I had already said my goodbyes. I have a living will on file, and Mr. Lil knows that should my prognosis be grim I want to be DNR. My fear is that my state does not recognize my rights or that of my husband to speak on my behalf. My DNR wishes do stem some from my religious beliefs but more so from my biological beliefs. I'm also an organ and tissue donor for those same reasons.

I'm sorry that you are going through this but I know you will remember her fondly for the rest of your life and through you she lives.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
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What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

(((((((((Kaelynn)))))))

I also would want to be DNR.

My grandfather suffered a series of strokes about a decade ago & my mother and aunts would not take him off life support. He was a big man, strong as a horse and to see him wasting away . . . I was pretty sure he wouldn't have wanted to be like that. He was so vibrant, he used to cook for 30 people & could probably add a bathroom to your house between courses. To see that vibrant man wasting away so much that his false teeth didn't fit anymore . . . it was tough.

I have some issues here, as I had difficulty dealing with a terminal sister and a

mother wasting with Alzheimers.

I do know that if I was lying in bed slowly slipping away, I would want some of my own

to call in and keep me up on gossip and slip me some scotch and dry.

Do as I wish, not as I wimp out.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

(((((((((kae)))))))))))

Chin up, sistah!

I lost my grandma about six months ago. We had a similar emotional bond like you described. I was the favorite, and she was my grandma. She taught me to play piano, and would let me sit next to her on the piano bench while she played in church. She listened when I talked, and valued my opinions even when I didn't have a clue what i was talking about. She was the one that convinced me that my boyfriend was a no good piece of shit when we broke up and accepted him back into the fold without question when we got back together six months later. She was an astonishing Christian lady, but she never took any airs about herself. She even bought me my wedding night lingere.
She had congestive heart failure for several years. She would ahve good days and bad, better and worse. I watched her go from playing paino every Sunday to not having the energy to move her hands from her lap to the keys. As she got worse, she started retaining fluid and that poisoned her mind. Sometimes she wouldn't even remember my name or my son's name.
Other times, though, she was clear as a bell. The last conversation we ever had togther we were talking about football - she lived for the Pittsburgh Steelers. she asked me if I had rooted for the Steelers in the game that afternoon and I told her of course I had. "good," she joked "otherwise i would ahve to come to ******* and burn your house down."
she was a DNR and when she finally went I was so sad, but i was also very thankful. I knew that she wasn't living the kind of life that she wanted to live anymore and that she would be so much happier in heaven. I firmly believe that she was granted a new body, and a heart that works. I firmly believe that she is happy, painless, and carefree. I think signing a DNR was one of the best decisions she ever made.

Wow, this was longer than I intended. Girl, PM me if you need to talk. You can never have too much support. I'll be thinking about you.

LAW