DB, our Superhero, ponders his dilemma. The Care Car still layed up awaiting parts to complete the overhaul. Jury duty is preventing the kind of unfettered attention to his Superhero responsibilities that is so necessary. Cries for help uttered by fair Pixie damsels reaches his keen ears. DB notices a slight jump in his loins which the Judge, administering the juror’s oath mistakes for patriotic fervor (whew). Actually, of course, it was the fondling of the fair lady next to him (whoa).

Anyway, DB ponders where to obtain coin since Superheros do not accept monetary rewards (preferring, of course, wanton sexual favors). And, should he receive any money, he is contractually obligated to donate it to the Trojan Rubber Tree Preservation fund.

Then, there’s the bus that wants to do a blowjob but is restrained by a fair damsel worrying about juggling someone’s 14-year old virgin balls? Damn … this really gets complicated.

Several coin possibilities exist. For example, Murphy could keep changing long distance carriers. These darn phone companies have become so aggressive seeking to move customers from one carrier to another that they’re always offering money if you only switch to their service. Recent studies seem to suggest with careful juggling (there’s that word again), people should be able to quickly move into the upper income brackets without ever actually making a phone call. I digress, but one particular story suggests a lady in Cabot Cove, Maine gave up mystery writing when she found she could pit multiple sales people from the same phone company against each other. Ends up she finally realized net profits of over $42,000 over one weekend and never actually changed carriers. Two people from “Are You Being Served” in London reportedly bought Graces department store after negotiating between two US carriers who didn’t even service their area. Only drawback of this technique, of course, is that it does take a lot of time tracking which company is the next one to sucker in and you can’t stop or someday you’ll get a friggin phone bill putting you right back where you started.

Dicksbro is also negotiating with his fellow jurors. The possibility exists that the Telephone Villan can be put away for several years without actually even realizing he was on trial. Using a little known legal loophole disguising itself as part of Homeland Security, an uninformed jury can specify penalties independent of any charges being brought, as long as it’s done in the name of “goodness.” And, a ruling initially used to document Bill Clinton’s definition of sex, “goodness” can be associated indirectly with any fornication not specifically covered in Section 5.0, Title XVIII, sub-paragraph 3 in the uniform code … a document not actually known to exist. It’s true that many legal puritans say this is not fair, but, no one’s actually been able to figure out how to prove that. In latin, this legal position is called the penile eruptus interruptus, but nobody knows quite what that means either.

In a phone call to another Superhero, the Flacid Flasher, Dicksbro has been able to take on loan Flasher’s “Silver Dong” super car. The Silver Dong was originally designed by Willy’s Jeep, but, it wasn’t until Chrysler bought out Wee Willy’s wand that the battery was added giving the Dong tingle. Now of course, with Mercedes involved the car runs making a curious ummm-paah-paah sound and takes only dark beer in cold steins as fuel.

The good news for Sugarsprinkles is that the Silver Dong is quite capable of stimulating the clitoris until DB gets off jury duty while sitting in neutral. Tough part is rolling the bed onto the driveway and positioning it appropriately. (Nothing good is ever easy.) Meanwhile, DB, or the lady next to him, will keep massaging his own powerful phallus during court ... getting ready for what can only be described as the “FF” (Festive F***).

The bus now is a different problem. It’s getting late and our Superhero must call it a night very soon in order to maintain his shrewd legal perspective on things. So, until tomorrow evening … here’s to happy auto erotica and a powerful, (yeah, you guessed it), ‘Hiyo, Ohio, Toledo, O My O.’