A few I was sent. I deleted ones I knew were repeats.



Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.


I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.


After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.


I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.


After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.


Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.


ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"

And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!



A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'

Granny replies, 'Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!'

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating