denandbil,

jennaflower has a point. You'd probably be better off having the doctor say "You didn't need to see me." rather than "Why didn'y see me 2 months ago."

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denandbil, I know what you are going though, but my wife is older and I don't know what to do about it either. I am starting to just give up on it, although that is very difficult since I love her so much and what to please her and my self. All I can hope for is that some of the stress in our life hopefully will go away and maybe things will change then.

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Thanks Jenna and jseal.....It could be. She has recently started with an implant contraceptive and I know she is experiencing some spotting outside of period times. Could definately have something to do with it. Has anyone else had experience with implant contraceptives?
Still the sex was an issue before the implant.

Cobalt.....Have you tried any of the ideas that have been put forward?

denandbil~ Like Norplant with the sticks in her arm???? I hope not!

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Lilith.....Implanon..........1 stick.....1 arm.

http://www.fpwa-health.org.au/Implanon.htm

It is related to Norplant. I would urge her to be very aware of any body changes that may take place during it's use and to never miss a pap test! If you read the information above, mood swings would be expected with any serious hormonal disruption. I am sure many people have used these with good results just be cautious. It would not surprise me that if she is no longer droppping eggs that she would also suffer from a lack of interest, be sure to have her talk to the Dr. about it like Jenna said.

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Thanks Lilith.........I'd also be interested if anyone has used one... Your personal experiences would be useful.

My sister in law used the Norplant and had to have them removed because the spotting and bleeding never stopped and it exacerbated a precancerous condition. Here in Florida lawyersadvertise seeking clients for a class action suit against the makers. I have no experiences or knowledge of the one your wife uses Implanon. Norplant was 5 inserts that lasted 5 years and Implanon is 1 that lasts for 3.

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Well............ I am Cobalt's other half. This is how I feel about this, and I will, hopefully make myself pretty clear on the subject.

STRESS is a big issue in life, and that does not promote a constant supply of sex. Tiredness and guilt for a lack of sex drive is a contributing factor. Hormonal changes should be considered, and that doesn't help the situation either. That is the physical aspect that may lower someone's sex drive.

Now, the mental aspect. Guilt is another factor that needs to be considered. It gets to the point that if there is discussion about the lack of sex, the feelings of guilt can overcome any desire to have sex.

I feel bad that I don't have the desire for sex 3x a day, 7 days a week, like he does. I feel terrible about it, and the fact that I don't understand why my body is not willing and my mind is, well, sucks a big one!!!

Now, in your situation.........your wife may be physically exhausted. Children have a tendency to do that to a woman, and the ages that yours are contribute to that exhaustion. Also, I understand that the implants have a certain type of hormone that can inhibit the SSR production in the brain that can lead to hormonal fluctiouations and mood swings. That kind of birth control can also effect a woman physically (like you described with the spotting), and lack of lubrication making sex very very uncomfortable (so much so, that it is avoided).

In addition, what has been suggested is nice. But you should do them because you love her, not for an exchange of if I do this for you, you should have sex with me kinda thing. Sounds kinda like a bribe to me.

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Awesome insights Cheyanne.....Really appreciate your thoughts.

I would not be giving anything to my wife in return for sex. I realise that maybe she doesn't get enough time to herself and as I love her so and want her to be happy I am doing anything and everything out of love for her. If sex happens to be a byproduct of time to herself then great. If not then perhaps there are deeper problems be they medical, physical or emotional.

Sorry if I gave the impression of offering a bribe....... It wasn't my intention.

I can sympathize, also. Been there, done that, still here, doing that still.

Here a couple of things you can do, from the male point of view:

1) Love her. She is still who you fell in love with, and are spending your life with.

2) Be there for her---which also includes not being there for her. Take the kids out and leave her to a night of blissful quiet and peace.

3) Pick up the slack. Nothing eases my wifes stress from work than when she comes home and the house is clean, the living room is clean, the dishes are done, etc.

4) Don't add pressure or stress. Take the time to talk to her openly and honestly about it, and the possible solutions---several of which are listed above. But don't dwell on it. Bringing it up every time you are horny is a sure way to drive a bigger wedge in her.

5) When romance happens, let it happen, don't force it, don't comment the next day about how great it was. Just relax and allow the both of you to enjoy it.


In the meantime, alternate hands, use lots of lotion, take multiple showers, and enjoy yourself. You might learn a lot about yourself during this time also.


Jim

I sometimes feel silly leaving a response on these type of questions, in my 40's, never married and no kids, but I've spent a LOT of time talking with friends about such issues, so I'm diving in anyway! LOL

You mention 50/50 sharing of duties and that is tremendous on your part .... many aren't anywhere near that in helping their mates, but with the age of your children, they are her really BIG responsibility ... and kids that age ... are almost always close to or attached to their mom at a physical level ... in other words ... she already has 2 little people touching her 80% of her waking hours .. and she loves them and adores most of that, but after all that touching, she may not want one more person wanting to touch her in the remaining 20% of her waking time.

If this is the case, maybe making a point of having a couple of nights a week when you take care of all activities with the kids, and one day each weekend get the kids out of the house in an activity ... she can come too, but make sure that the kids are getting time to crawl all over you for most of the time, maybe to the park and let her sit on a bench and read a novel while you take the kids a little farther away. ....

Next, find out (subtly or not) a list of 10 or so things that make her happy .... things that you can do for her, get for her, free up time so she can do, etc. and try to make sure she gets to do at least 1-2 of those things each week .... even if it means pushing her hard to do so. As one of our other pixie-ites mentioned, once she has had some me time on a regular basis, she'll feel the urge to start adding in some us time as well I think!!!

But also know that birth control in any form affects hormones and hormones affect desire for sexual and sensual time, so have her speak with her Dr. about that as well.

Thanks Jim and Fzzy. And thanks to all who have responded so far.

I have been where you are and tried all sorts of things, though not as many as would have been suggested if I had been at Pixies then, more the pity.

I wish you the best of luck and hope it all pans out for you.

My problem got worse and now I am out on my own trying to put my life on a better footing.

As I said I wish you the very best

THanks Grumble