My wife and I married young like Lilith and also NOT because we had to ... and I wouldn't trade these forty years for anything else in the world. But I also firmly believe you want to wait until you find that special someone ... a person who isn't necessarily perfect, but someone you truly want to build a life together with.

Best of wishes for you and when the time and person are right, you'll know it.

I really appreciate all of your different perspectives and advice. This whole process of growing up, moving out and moving on has been a lot more complicated than I imagined it to be. I'm sure things will just have to run their course and we'll see what happens.

(((Hugs))) to you all

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Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts; they serve for sweet relieving when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.-Fiona Apple

After the event as usual, LOL.

BCG, it's a matter of balancing out the joy of the relationship

with the shit it stirs up. How much joy is worth how much shit?

There is no perfect relationship outside your head.

Finally, there are no absolutes, not even this statement.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

BCG...if you ever want to talk about it, PM me. I am almost 28 and NOT married. Most of my friends have *kids* and they ALL want to help plan my wedding. And -- instead -- I find that I am backing out of my LTR because I am not ready.

I also have conflicting notions about getting married:

1. As I get older, I get more opinionated about what I want...and will not settle for...These opinions make it more difficult to find the right person. Some days I think I shoulda gotten married at 18, when both he and I were still malleable.

2. As I get more settled into my career, I'm starting to find that there are more "fun" things to do than raise kids...at least from an outsider's perspective (although I'm told it's different when they're yours). Each year I am LESS willing to sacrifice my "fun" for family.

3. I've found that I needed to love myself before I could come to really love someone else, and that's taken me a while to accomplish (in fact, it's ongoing). Spoken from 10 years experience in a LTR, love is about daily compromise and respect...which needs to come from self-love and strength.

4. I really don't believe there is a "magical moment" when you fall head over heels in love, get carried on a tide of bliss to the altar, and stumble happily into creating the perfect family. It takes daily work -- deciding you are ready, selecting the right mate, planning a life together, making the daily compromises. I don't believe that a fairy will tap you on the head when you are ready. You're on a path and you will work to progress along the path when/if you are ready to do so. You make daily decisions about your future.

5. Last (but not least!) -- you are NOT obligated to settle down and have a family. Live life to the fullest. Marriage is merely one path to choose to happiness.


((((BCG)))) ~ no short cuts here. You have to find your own answers. Mine aren't yours --- but I am certainly happy to listen.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Wow Osuche...that's very very well put. And now I'm in a quandry ....I have friends who need to hear that, just that clearly and gently explained. But at the same time, I'm not sure I'm ready to share Pixies with them .

Mind if I plaguerize you shamelessly?

Sweetie, anytime...I am flattered.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney