8880

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8881

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8882

Live Life Like A Computer

If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and
start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend". Hit "any key" to
continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on "find".

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your diskette to recover
from a crash.

We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".

Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on "back".

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".

If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8883 ~ Oxymorons

Act naturally

Found missing

Resident alien

Advanced BASIC

Genuine imitation

Airline food

Good grief

Same difference

Almost exactly

Government organization

Sanitary landfill

Alone together

Legally drunk

Silent scream

British fashion

Living dead

Small crowd

Business ethics

Soft rock

Military intelligence

Software documentation

New York culture

Extinct life

Sweet sorrow

Childproof

"Now, then..."

Synthetic natural gas

Passive aggression

Taped live

Clearly misunderstood

Peace force

New classic

Temporary tax increase

French bravery

Plastic glasses

Terribly pleased

Computer security

Political science

Tight slacks

Definite maybe

Pretty ugly

Twelve-ounce pound cake

Diet ice cream

Rap music

Working vacation

Exact estimate

And My Favorite

Microsoft Works

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8884

Stupid Warnings

On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror: "Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you."

On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens: "Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place."

On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and thesteering wheel: "Warning - Remove lock before driving."

In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children."

On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under theage of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."

On a packet of Nytol sleeping tablets: "Warning: may causedrowsiness."

On a packet of peanuts served on an internal flight in China(written in both English and Chinese): "Open packet and eat contents."

Seen on a camera: "This camera only works when there is film inside."

On a bottle of flavored milk drink: "After opening, keep upright."

On a Rowenta iron: "Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!"

On a can of windscreen de-icing spray: "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."

On a can of insect spray: "Kills all kinds of insects! Warning:This spray is harmful to bees."

A different brand of insect spray: "Kills flies, wasps,mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested onanimals."

On an ocean buoy for determining the position of submarines:"Protect from seawater."On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give thewearer the ability to fly."

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8885

passing through the apartment to pick up my camera...

__________________
-Toast-
"It takes a lot of brains to enjoy satire, humor and wit - but none to be offended by them." -- Johnny Hart ("BC", cartoonist, 2000)
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it and the frog generally dies as a result." -- E. B. White

8886

__________________
Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts; they serve for sweet relieving when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.-Fiona Apple

8887

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Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts; they serve for sweet relieving when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.-Fiona Apple

8888

__________________
Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts; they serve for sweet relieving when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.-Fiona Apple

8889

__________________
-Toast-
"It takes a lot of brains to enjoy satire, humor and wit - but none to be offended by them." -- Johnny Hart ("BC", cartoonist, 2000)
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it and the frog generally dies as a result." -- E. B. White

oopss...

8890

__________________
-Toast-
"It takes a lot of brains to enjoy satire, humor and wit - but none to be offended by them." -- Johnny Hart ("BC", cartoonist, 2000)
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it and the frog generally dies as a result." -- E. B. White

gotta run

8891

__________________
-Toast-
"It takes a lot of brains to enjoy satire, humor and wit - but none to be offended by them." -- Johnny Hart ("BC", cartoonist, 2000)
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it and the frog generally dies as a result." -- E. B. White

8892

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8893l


9000 here we come

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8894

or 991,106 to go

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